Drunk Nights and Pick Up Lines
by AppleBagel
Summary: Matt was drunk again, and there really is an interesting conversation that follows. . . (2p!PruCan, Crude pick up lines, Akbar thoughts, written by Apple. Two-Shot.)
1. Chapter 1

Matt had always been interesting to me. From how he showed affection through swears, or just how he reacted to a lot of things. As weird as I found him sometimes, I was used to him acting like that.

That made the way Matt acted when he was drunk especially odd to me.

Usually, he was very closed up about how he felt. It took a lot to get him to say how he was feeling. When he was intoxicated, though, he spewed every thought that came into his head without filter. As I do not drink, I'm always fully aware of what he is saying, while he is not.

Four times he has told me that no one can possibly understand him, three times I've been told he wanted to strangle his family members, and twice he's told me that we would make the most beautiful babies in the world.

Currently, he was drinking again. Matt seems to enjoy occasionally getting drunk. Maybe he sees it as fun.

We were both in his kitchen, sitting at the island counters. He'd consumed quite a bit already, turning his head to stare at me every now and then while I spun slowly on the stool. He was mumbling something under his breath I couldn't quite hear, nor did I really care to. Maybe he was wondering why I wasn't drinking? I just like sitting with him, so perhaps he's confused as to what I'm doing?

I never quite know with drunk Matt.

I blinked in slight surprise as he grabbed my hand. He had his head lying on the counter as he grinned widely. There was a slight moment of silence before he winked and said, "Hey, Sexy~"

"Hello, Matt," I replied.

He chuckled and leaned closer to me, still grinning. "You're _reeeeaaally _hot, ya know that?" His head tilted down slightly, wiggling his eyebrows.

I nodded at him a bit, figuring it an effect of the alcohol. He was always at least a bit flirtatious when drunk.

"Do you wanna know _why _we work so well together!?" He started, sitting up.

He was doing this again. I went along, nodding once more. "Shoot."

"Because, _shit_, you're _hot_! And in case you haven't noticed, I'm _quite _the looker myself!" Matt boasted, one hand over his chest and waving the other over his hair. It seemed as though he was trying to run his fingers through his hair but failed horribly.

"And modest, too," I added, going back to spinning. There was a chance he would be at this for a while.

He stopped talking a moment, lying back on the counter. Staring at the ceiling for a second, Matt smirked a bit.

"Did it hurt?" He asked.

"Did what hurt?" I tilted my head at him.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven~?"

"No, I didn't really fall or feel anything. I just kind of appeared, and it took a while for the feelings to come back," I explained. He never asked that one before.

Matt propped himself up on his elbows, his head lolling as he looked at me. "Not the point, Akbar. . ." He groaned.

I shrugged at him. He's the one that asked, after all. It wasn't my fault if he didn't like the answer.

"Alright, let's try this one. . . Do you have a map?" He asked.

"Are you going somewhere, Matt? I don't think you should go anywhere in this state. It could be dangerous for you. But, why?" I responded.

Matt swung around to face me, placing one hand on my cheek. "Cause I just keep getting lost in your eyes~"

"I get that a lot. You know, 'Ice Prince', 'Cold unfeeling eyes', 'Please leave me alone'. People get hypnotized," I said, turning back to the counter. "Then they run away."

Matt groaned loudly, collapsing onto the counter. There was a moment of silence before he spoke again.

"Hey, do you wanna screw?" He asked bluntly.

I tilted my head. "What do you need screwing?" I replied. I knew what he was asking, but I was kind of enjoying myself.

He glared at me.

I expected that.

Maybe it would be fun to try at the bad pick up lines. Matt seemed to like them.

I held my head in one hand, smiling a little. "Hey, are you a farmer? Because you really know how to raise a co-"

I was cut off when Matt suddenly fell backwards and collapsed on the floor.

And he was so close to getting what he wanted, too. What a shame. I was kind of looking forward to it myself.

Hopping off my stool, I grabbed one of his hands and I dragged him to the couch. I didn't put him on it, but next to it.

Close enough.

There was a blanket folded up on the couch that I laid over Matt, before getting under it and snuggling up next to him.

I wonder if he was dreaming about us having sex. I know I would. If I stayed awake long enough, I might find out. Or maybe I would just ask him tomorrow morning. Or maybe pancakes. . . Yes, I choose pancakes. Or I can do both. Both is good.

**A/N: The things I write at 3 am. (6 am for the friend beta reading this! Friend: She won't let me goooooo. . . *tears*) **

**NO REGRETS. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello! I put this up to say that this chapter is in Matt's perspective, not Akbar's. Akbar's perspective just wasn't working out and Matt's was just much more fun to write for this chapter. Just a heads up!**

"Why does light exist . . .?" I grumbled, covering my eyes with my hand.

The heavy weight on my chest shrugged a bit, nuzzling his head into my shoulder.

I groaned, trying to pull the blanket over my head.

Wait a second.

Why are we on the floor? Who is lying on my chest?

I could barely remember last night; it was all kind of a messed up blur. My head hurt even more when I tried to recall it. I could kinda dredge up the memory of a really hot silverette underneath me, panting. . .

"_SHIT!_" I yelled, jumping up and causing the weight to fall off me. Damn, that made my headache throb. . . But I could see the weight's identity now, and my fears were confirmed.

_Akbar Belischdmit. _

"Good morning, Matt," Akbar said.

"Ahhh. . . Morning. . ." I gulped.

"Was it good?" He asked simply.

"Uh, y-yeah, actually. Really good. . . But we can never do it again!"  
Akbar sat up, tilting his head. "What was wrong? Did you not like the position? Was it not very comfortable for you?"

"No, I'm sure it was all fine! But I don't wanna do it again!" I decided. Sure, I was glad we did it, but I wanted to be sober next time. . .

"You don't want to have a good night's sleep?" He asked me.

What was he talking about?

Then I realized something. Both of us were fully clothed. There were no hickeys or any other sign of screwing.

_It had been a dream._

_ And that does not make this situation any better. _

"No. . . Because my dreams torment me. My good dreams cause moments like this. . ." I tried. Hopefully that would save my ass from him knowing about that stupid dream.

"Okay, Matt," Akbar replied, sitting up. "You're going to be making pancakes, right?"

It always comes back to that, doesn't it?

"No, not while I have a hangover," I grumbled, climbing onto the couch.

Instead of pestering me to make them like I expected, Akbar went to the kitchen himself.

He's gonna set the kitchen on fire. . .

At the moment, though, I can't bring myself to care. I just wanted to sleep more, or at least turn off the sun for a bit. . . .

I buried my face into the couch pillow, trying to block out any sounds or light. God, I friggin' hate hangovers. The getting wasted part was fun, but the consequences sucked.

Something smelled really good. Even smushed into a pillow, I could detect the scent. Turning my head slightly, I peered at Akbar in the kitchen. It looked like he was stirring something, though it was hard to tell from my angle. At least I had a nice view of his ass. And what a great ass it was.

Angle approved.

Sadly, my view was taken away when he turned around, carrying a mug of something. I watched as he walked over to me, looking down to meet my eyes.

Grunting, I sat up. As I leaned against the back of the couch, Akbar plopped next to me.

"I made this for you," He told, handing me the mug.

Coffee. He made me coffee.

Dammit, Akbar, stop making me love you.

"Thanks," I mumbled, sipping at the coffee.

Standing back up, Akbar began to walk towards the back of the house.

"Come find me when you're ready to make those dreams of yours a reality," He said simply.

I choked on my drink, almost dropping it.

"You talk in your sleep, by the way," Akbar called back, closing the door after him.

This time, I did drop my coffee . . . Right into my lap.

GOD DAMMIT!

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" I screeched, jumping up. Crap, headache!

I really have no clue which is worse right now! It's all just pain, so much pain. . .

I wouldn't think I'd be making any of those dreams come true at this rate. . . I'd be lucky if I was still a man by the end of the day.

But that offer sounded really nice, still. . .

Ah, screw it. I ran to the bedroom after Akbar.

No pain, no gain.

**A/N: I don't know why I wanted to write a second chapter for this story but I dID. ((Friend: Because it's awesome! Drunk Matt is a fun Matt, an approachable Matt.)) **

**I know, I should be working on Prussian Corpse Bride, but I have severe writers block. Plus all my inspiration for that is gone. It's gonna be a while for that one, sorry. . .**

***Friend screaming in the background* **


End file.
